and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
