I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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