I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
