drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
