Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
