I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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