So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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