it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My feet surprised me
Randomize
