Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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