Well apparently he's into motor boating.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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