i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
