Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
