So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
