all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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