I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
