I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
