That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it wasn't lemon gatorade
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
