i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize