Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
