having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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