i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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