so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize