her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
