I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
