I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The air taste purple.
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