I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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