btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
