"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
