Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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