But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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