My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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