i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wanna go halves on a baby?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize