If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
