if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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