Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
