Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
