yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
