She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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