Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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