why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize