it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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