I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
