Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
