If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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