I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
