Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
