2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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