Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
