It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
