i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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