she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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