Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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