It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
