Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
