My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
