Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she peed on how many people?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
