he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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