either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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