Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
