I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
