If that was your dad, he is hot
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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