Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
