I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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