You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
