I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
