is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize