there's paper in my vomit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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