I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
