can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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