Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize