I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
