it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
