I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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