Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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