Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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