I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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