The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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