if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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