Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
