Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
