I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
