he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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