No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize