how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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