The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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