nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
