She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was CRYING into my vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
