Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
