Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
