life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
