WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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