If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
