I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
