I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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