Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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