so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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