My nipple is on Facebook.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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