Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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